Financial abuse in the U.S. is a $37 billion a year problem. Clever thieves, using every imaginable trick, get aging parents to do things that result in thefts. AI is making it worse! Now voices of family can be cloned and used by predators to get a grandparent, for example, to think a grandchild is in financial trouble. Fake images can be sent in emails. Family vigilance is ever more important to keep aging loved ones financially safer.
When Should You Do Something?
Here at AgingParents.com, we’re in the advice business. Family members seek consultations about many healthcare, legal and family dynamics issues of aging. What we see too often is an adult child describing that an aging parent fell victim to a scammer on the phone or online. They want to know what to do to get the money back. I have to deliver the bad news that getting money back is nearly impossible. So we then discuss how to keep it from happening again.
Denial, Or Lack Of Awareness?
Many adult children of aging parents seem to believe that Dad forgetting to pay the taxes or the mortgage is “just getting old”. They expect it’s okay as long as they remind him next time. But it isn’t okay. Forgetting important financial obligations is a red flag telling you that something is wrong. That something can be cognitive impairment. It doesn’t get better, and it may indeed worsen over time. But family waits and does not step in. After all, Dad used to run a large company. Surely he is capable of dealing with his own money, they believe. They never learned about cognitive decline in school. And they miss the warning signs of danger.
What To Do When Forgetting About Financial Matters Is Obvious
An aging parent forgetting to pay a small bill is one thing. But large financial obligations are different. When you see memory loss about the big ticket item, even once, it is time to act.
The first thing family must do is to respectfully open the conversation. The aging parent may be resistant, dismissive, or deny that it happned. Perhaps they are embarrassed. And perhaps they are unaware that they have such significant memory loss. Many elders do not recognize the severity of cognitive decline they have. At AgingParents.com, we sometimes meet with the aging parent and ask if they have noticed any memory difficulties. They may admit to a few but when asked if they have ever forgotten to pay a bill they likely say “no.” We consult with the family separately about what steps they must take. Adult children need to express their concern to the parent over the memory problem that led to failure to pay an important obligation.
Legal Steps
Most parents have done some estate planning, including a will, trust, power of attorney for finances and a healthcare directive. Adult children need to ask about this. Family needs to know if it was done and by whom. They need to know where the documents are. If an attorney is still around and did that work, family needs permission from the aging parent to speak with the lawyer or see any documents. If there was no estate planning, or if no one can find it or remember if anyone drew up legal papers, family should consult with a new attorney and ask Dad to go get the essential paperwork done. You may need that paperwork soon.
The Why
Memory loss is often an early warning sign of cogitive decline that can lead to dementia. A person with dementia, even in the early stages, is very vulnerable to manipulation by predators. Family members who are appointed on legal documents such as a Durable Power of Attorney can step in and stop Dad from giving money to suspicious persons, or protect Dad by blocking access to an account that has already been invaded by a thief. It is not a simple process. Usually, a bank wants a doctor’s letter, establishing that Dad is no longer capable of managing his own finances independently. Some financial institutions want two doctors’ letters, even if Dad’s own legal paperwork requires no such thing! The bottom line is that a cognitively impaired elder must not be given free access to all his assets any longer. Legal protections exist to keep him from losing everything.
Real Life Example
Even unimpaired adults are at risk of being scammed. It’s too easy to get tricked by an email that prompts you to click on a link to learn more. In a recent matter, a 50 year old man with no signs of dementia got an email and it said to click here. He wasn’t thinking that it was fake, because it came from Apple, supposedly. The email address looked official. It had the Apple logo on it. He had Apple products. He clicked on the link. The scammers with the fake email then had access to his computer. They found his bank accounts, passwords and had access. They were adept and speedy. Ten minutes later, they had stolen $1M. He had no way to get it back.
Imagine how a cognitively impaired aging parent with memory loss would be easily fooled by such a scam email. The aging parent might not check the incoming email address. They might not remember that sometimes these “click here” instructions can be dangerous traps. That is why we advise families to take unfettered authority over bank accounts, investments and other assets away from aging parents with memory loss.
What Protetion Can You Give?
A person who is appointed as the agent on Dad’s Durable Power of Attorney can do what is needed to stop Dad or anyone else from accessing his accounts. That will take some work. Communicate with all financial institutions. Give them your legal documents appointing you. Follow their self-imposed rules to remove Dad’s ability to make withdrawals, like getting two doctors’ letters verifying the cognitive problem with finances. Get Dad to the doctor or doctors to get assessed so the doctor can even do a letter. Sometimes that is a problem in itself. But it can be done, with persistence and persuasion. In the case of a scammer trying to take anything out of Dad’s account, the scammer will pose as Dad. And with protections in place, they will fail. The transaction will not go through because the agent on the Power of Attorney has to give permission for any withdrawal. That’s protection.
The Takeaways
1. Recognize that memory loss can be very dangerous in an aging parent and take it seriously.
2. Find out if there is estate planning, including a Durable Power of Attorney. That appointed person needs to let your aging parent know that you respectfully want to help protect them from all the evil thieves out there who want to get their money.
3. Use the document, in cooperation with the elder’s financial institutions, to remove independent access by the aging parent to all accounts. Require permission of the appointed agent for any withdrawals of anything from all accounts.
4. Warning your aging parent about scam emails may not be enough. If they have memory loss, they may soon forget your warning.
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